Fuck Marry Kill: Sitcom

Jerry Seinfeld, Amy Poehler, Sofía Vergara, Jim Parsons — the faces behind the comfort-watch comedies you quote without thinking. Pick your fuck, marry, kill from the ensembles of Friends, The Office, Parks and Rec, Seinfeld, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and more.

Sitcom is the comfort-food category that turns on you fast. Everyone has a show they've looped a hundred times and a cast they think of as personal friends — which is exactly why being handed three of them and told to choose feels like a small betrayal. It pulls from the network-comedy canon and its streaming-era heirs, so one trio might strand you between a Friend, a Pawnee bureaucrat, and a Nine-Nine detective.

Start a round →See the results

The impossible trio

  • Amy Poehler
  • Nick Offerman
  • Adam Scott

The Parks and Recreation deadlock: the most relentlessly optimistic woman on television and the two men who orbit her. Marry one and you've still got to kill a coworker you'd happily share a JJ's waffle with — somehow that feels illegal.

Who’s in this round

61 people in the Sitcom roster. Three are drawn at random each round.

  • Jerry Seinfeld — Seinfeld
  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus — Seinfeld
  • Jason Alexander — Seinfeld
  • Michael Richards — Seinfeld
  • Courteney Cox — Friends
  • Lisa Kudrow — Friends
  • David Schwimmer — Friends
  • Matt LeBlanc — Friends
  • John Krasinski — The Office
  • Jenna Fischer — The Office
  • Rainn Wilson — The Office
  • Angela Kinsey — The Office
  • Mindy Kaling — The Office
  • Amy Poehler — Parks and Recreation
  • Nick Offerman — Parks and Recreation
  • Adam Scott — Parks and Recreation
  • Chris Pratt — Parks and Recreation
  • Aziz Ansari — Parks and Recreation
  • Rashida Jones — Parks and Recreation
  • Rob Lowe — Parks and Recreation
  • Retta — Parks and Recreation
  • Andy Samberg — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Andre Braugher — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Terry Crews — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Melissa Fumero — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Stephanie Beatriz — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Chelsea Peretti — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Jim Parsons — The Big Bang Theory
  • Johnny Galecki — The Big Bang Theory
  • Kaley Cuoco — The Big Bang Theory
  • Simon Helberg — The Big Bang Theory
  • Mayim Bialik — The Big Bang Theory
  • Melissa Rauch — The Big Bang Theory
  • Sofía Vergara — Modern Family
  • Eric Stonestreet — Modern Family
  • Jesse Tyler Ferguson — Modern Family
  • Julie Bowen — Modern Family
  • Josh Radnor — How I Met Your Mother
  • Jason Segel — How I Met Your Mother
  • Alyson Hannigan — How I Met Your Mother
  • Cobie Smulders — How I Met Your Mother
  • Thomas Middleditch — Silicon Valley
  • T.J. Miller — Silicon Valley
  • Martin Starr — Silicon Valley
  • Kumail Nanjiani — Silicon Valley
  • Zach Woods — Silicon Valley
  • Josh Brener — Silicon Valley
  • Amanda Crew — Silicon Valley
  • Matt Ross — Silicon Valley
  • Gillian Jacobs — Community
  • Alison Brie — Community
  • Yvette Nicole Brown — Community
  • Abbi Jacobson — Broad City
  • Ilana Glazer — Broad City
  • Hannibal Buress — Broad City
  • Arturo Castro — Broad City
  • Charlie Sheen — Two and a Half Men
  • Jon Cryer — Two and a Half Men
  • Ashton Kutcher — Two and a Half Men
  • Holland Taylor — Two and a Half Men
  • Phoebe Waller-Bridge — Fleabag

How to play

  1. Pick a gender pool and the Sitcom category.
  2. Three names from the roster appear. Decide who you’d fuck, marry, and kill.
  3. Share the round with a friend. They make their picks blind — then you both see who agreed and who’s judging.

Sitcom FMK — your questions

Are these the actors or their characters?
The actors — Jerry Seinfeld, not his TV self. Though good luck looking at any of them without hearing the character's voice.
Which shows does the roster pull from?
The big network ensembles and their streaming successors — Friends, Seinfeld, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, Silicon Valley, Community, and more.
What makes a Sitcom round genuinely hard?
A same-show trio. Three castmates from one ensemble force you to break up a TV family you've watched for nine seasons — there's no clean answer, only damage control.

More categories